Minding Your Peace: Intent vs. Being Truly Intentional

Welcome back to XOLA, where we strive to create harmony and balance, not just in our bodies but in our lives. Today, let’s delve into a topic that often slips under our radar yet impacts our mental peace and the quality of our relationships—understanding the difference between focusing on intent and being truly intentional.

The Subtle Shift: From Intent to Self-Serving Actions

Have you ever noticed a situation where someone starts with a positive goal but gradually shifts their focus? Imagine working on a project with a colleague or planning a special event with friends. At first, the intention might be to make a positive impact or create a memorable experience. But somewhere along the line, the intent can shift. Suddenly, it’s no longer about the team or the shared experience; instead, it becomes about personal gain—whether that’s feeling accomplished, receiving recognition, or boosting one’s own image.

It’s common to see this in people who are used to getting their way. Perhaps they’ve built a reputation for always succeeding, always taking charge, or always being in control. Over time, they might come to expect that everything will work out according to their desires. But this expectation can create a reward loop, where actions are driven by the desire for a personal “win” rather than the original purpose.

Confidence vs. Conceit: Finding the Balance

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being confident. When we’re intentional, we often achieve consistent, positive results, which can naturally build a healthy sense of confidence. But here’s where it’s easy to cross the line: too much confidence can tip over into conceit.

Once someone becomes conceited, their intent often becomes centered on themselves. What started as a collective purpose or a selfless act can quickly morph into something self-serving. It’s no longer about what they can do for others, but rather, “How can I keep feeling successful?”

Recognizing the Signs

How can we recognize this shift in behavior? Here are some red flags to watch for:

1. Self-Focused Conversations: Does the person continually steer conversations back to themselves?

2. Outcome-Driven Actions: Are they more invested in outcomes that primarily benefit them?

3. Selective Acknowledgment: Are they focused only on aspects that reinforce their sense of success or achievement?

These behaviors can show us when someone’s intent is more self-serving than it may initially seem.

Navigating Self-Centered Behavior with Empathy

So, what can we do when we encounter this type of behavior?

1. Address with Empathy: Start with compassion. Often, people are unaware of how their focus has shifted. Gently remind them of the original purpose and the collective goals. By prompting reflection, you may help them realign their intentions.

2. Model Intentionality: Stay true to your own intentions, even if others are not. Lead by example by keeping your actions aligned with the collective good. Show how being intentional involves remaining grounded in purpose and focusing on positive experiences for everyone.

Being intentional means more than simply having good intentions. It’s a way of living where actions are purpose-driven, grounded in empathy, and mindful of the impact on others. At XOLA, we believe that living well includes nurturing our relationships and recognizing the value of each person involved.

Stay mindful, stay intentional, and as always—live well.